Wednesday, August 6, 2014

On Killing Your Toilet

In addition to a wrench and bucket, you'll also need about 3 minutes of attention span to read the following instructions. To "Kill Your Toilet" you must first do some simple yet invasive surgery on your kitchen sink. It may be that you'll have to borrow the kind of wide-mouth wrench needed for this little project. It's got to be big enough to fit around the fluted knob or large hexagonal nut that's keeping the U-shaped pipe under the sink in place. It's got to go...

Dishwater is the primary source of the greywater that you'll
constantly be carrying to your toilet (and you could also have an
auxiliary set-up with your bathroom sink). When that U-shaped
pipe is gone, the little straight segment of pipe that goes up to
the drain will empty directly into your bucket. I recommend a
2 gallon type with a pouring edge.

You'll want to seal off the pipe that was attached to the other
end of the U-joint. If you don't, there will be fumes from the
fetid drainwater now trapped there.

As for the toilet itself, all you have to do is turn off the little
handle which controls its water intake, usually located near the
baseboard. Your next flush will be your last. That's it! The toilet
is now "dead" because from this day forward you'll be pouring
your dish water into the reservoir tank behind it. Provided that
your drain water was strained prior to filling the bucket, your
toilet won't even know that it's a goner. Millions of gallons of
tap water could be conserved this way.

Let your co-workers, friends, roommates, spouse, children and
loved ones crow about how eccentric you are. They are just naive
fools who dispatch their bodily waste products into our rapidly
diminishing lifesource as if there were no tomorrow.